When did you lose it?

We went to the beach Friday. Fort Snelling Beach. It was a warm day and the kids love to play in the sand and water. It is a time that they play well with each other, play independently and we all play together. It is fun to be there and to watch them with such delight and envy. They both love to get wet and covered in sand. They dig tunnels, build little castles, run around and knock everything down.

As I sit and watch I ponder thoughts of being dirty and when it was that I stopped playing like that. I find myself stopping them as they excitedly run towards me... "Careful, don't get sand on the blanket. Hey, I don't want to get wet..." And I wonder, why not? What is a little sand and water... or even a lot?? We are at the beach?! What if I got down there in the water and sand with her? Would the everyday worries and stress get lost, could I let go?
I've not yet allowed myself to do this but am thinking I need to give it a try. It's too easy to get caught up in the uptight worries of sand in the car, in their seats, etc.
This particular day was ruined by just that. Me running around upset trying to get them cleaned up, while they just laughed and got dirty again. Of course I felt like they were laughing at me when they were just enjoying themselves and finding the lightness in life I often lose. In that moment it is often difficult to see this, but they taught me something that I was able to hold onto the next time we went. Let go, breathe, laugh and have fun. It's just sand!

So, who knows, it might not be long before I am down in the ponds of water and sand, digging, laughing and dirty as can be!

It's been awhile...

I think about updating.
Not a lot.

Maybe it is more that I think and see things, events, I would like to document. I just don't.
Life is full and there has been a lot to think about, a lot to try and figure out. And we do what we can to get by, really work hard and do our best. Still, life feels like a struggle at times. And I think... really? Cmon' another thing?! Do we need another "thing" another challenge. And when I look at the big picture, when I look around me and I breathe in what's most important... I know. This too shall pass. Oh, let's be real, it doesn't take away the worry or stress but it helps me breathe and in accepting those feelings as part of life, as part of me, I am able to be more in ease and enjoy the joy around me. Yea, I'm freaked and I don't know what's going to happen AND I am excited, I am in love and it is a beautiful day. I choose to be in this moment.

Carl lost his second tooth. It was a bitter sweet moment. The entire process was. He was so worried about it falling out while he was sleeping he created protectors in his bed. An extra pillow, tissues all around. I can't say it all made a lot of sense to me... yet in his mind, it all helped and brought him enough ease to go to bed and rest. That works for me. The next day he wanted me to cancel school. He was concerned it would fall out there. We wiggled and wobbled it and I was able to convince him that is was in there enough that he would be safe.
After school he asked if I would just pull it out for him. He was clearly obsessed. So after lunch we looked again. It was pretty loose. I put a tissue around it, pulled a little and it just came out. When I put another tissue on the "hole" he said, "Momma just pull it out, please?!" Then I showed him it was already out. He got a very big smile.

I made a little box for him to put his tooth in for the tooth fairy and that night he set it beside his bed. We turned the light out and went downstairs. We could hear him rustling and I suspected he was playing with the box. In the morning he said he grabbed it and hugged it under the cover with him because he wasn’t sure he wanted to give it to her. I figured this when I went in and I couldn’t find it... Until I reached under his covers. (He sleeps with the covers pulled and tucked under his head. He said it keeps him safe .) Anyway, we talked about how he doesn’t have to give his teeth away, if he wants to keep them or ask for the one he sent back, he can do that. He is thinking about it. Such amazing minds!